Poems concerning Lord Voldemort
by Darkarts65
Summary: This is a string of poems concerning Lord Voldemort, the dark lord. Please R&R.
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1  
  
Parody To Ginny's Second Year Valentine  
  
His eyes are as red as ripe tomatoes,  
his hair is as dark as a trapdoor.  
  
I wish he would die,  
he's really defied.  
The dark lord dies, that's fine. 


	2. Lord Voldemort Passing On

Chapter 2   
  
Lord Voldemort Passing On  
  
Lord Voldemort,  
you bad liaison,  
why don't you just pass on.  
The minister's an idiot, everybody knows that,  
but he surpassed himself when he performed the fifth year acts.  
So, snakeface,  
come on out and get maced.  
If you think people are amazed,  
don't ever expect to get laid.  
So, Voldemort,  
if you get to feeling over-confident,  
just remember that you are incompitent. 


	3. Facts

Chapter 3  
  
Facts  
  
Lord Voldemort,  
you fart.  
  
You thought that you were clever, getting away from the boy who stripped you of your powers,  
but, you could not be fowler.  
  
I am also sure  
that your lackies and you are doing rather poor.  
So, snakeface,  
come out and play the game.  
So, Voldemort, keep this in mind,  
you are very unkind.  
  
A/n: The part about coming out and playing the game refers to a certain prophesy.  
If you haven't read the fifth HP book, I will keep quiet on the subject. 


	4. Lord Voldemort, Biggest Jerk of All Time

Chapter 4  
  
Lord Voldemort, Greatest Jerk of All Time  
  
Lord Voldemort, you jerk,  
you can't even manage to lurk.  
  
You lodge at the old Riddle house,  
yet, you are not as quiet as a mouse.  
  
Voldemort, you were thwarted again,  
because nobody wins with the wages of sin.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you cad,  
you lost the prophesy, that's to damn bad. 


	5. Lord Voldemort, Allmighty Or Not

Chapter 5  
  
Lord Voldemort, Allmighty -- Or Not  
  
Lord Voldemort, do the world a favor,  
save us all of the labor,  
of killing you.  
  
You weren't a bad kid,  
but you turned it.  
  
You didn't have power,  
so you thought you would shower,  
the world with your pathetic power.  
So, you met,  
a man who said, "I'll join you, idiot of the twentieth century,  
and make the good world history."  
  
Eventually, Snakeface got around thirty Death Eaters,  
and sent them out to do his work,  
instead of being the real leader.  
  
Only, one day, he got some whereabouts of the Potters from the traitor,  
so, finally, after years cooped up in his castle,  
he took the hastle,  
of going with the traitor.  
  
Little did he know,  
that his show,  
was about over.  
  
He killed two, attempted to kill a third,  
and wound up less than a tird. 


	6. Insults

Chapter 6  
  
Insults  
  
Lord Voldemort, The Bad man,  
was not even in a clan.  
  
Lord Voldemort wanted to rule,  
kind of makes you want to hurl.  
  
Lord Voldemort, the Master,  
is a damn bastard.  
  
Lord Voldemort, old asshole,  
you can't even maintain a household.  
  
Lord Voldemort wants to kill,  
however, he is ill.  
  
The old fake,  
let's say for thought's sake,  
could not even take. 


	7. Lord Voldemort, Couldn't He Kill A Child

Chapter 7  
  
Lord Voldemort, Couldn't He Kill A Child?  
  
Lord Voldemort, you're senile,  
by trying to kill the child.  
  
You tried without enough information,  
and ended up at your station.  
  
You messed up, and you know it,  
Though you always manage to talk big.  
  
Lord Voldemort was nearly killed,  
because he would not yield.  
  
Lord Voldemort, the coward,  
was overpowered. 


	8. Lord Voldemort, Could He Die?

Chapter Eight  
  
Lord Voldemort, Could He Die?  
  
Lord Voldemort, the old guy,  
thought he'd never die.  
  
Yet, sources say,  
there is a chance to put lord Voldemort at bay.  
  
The prophesy tells its own story,  
the possibility of ending lord Voldemort's period of glory.  
  
Lord Voldemort, he thought, couldn't die,  
but, he looked death in the eye. 


	9. Lord Voldemort, The Killer

Chapter Nine  
  
Lord Voldemort, The Killer  
  
Lord Voldemort, the killer,  
that sounds like a thriller.  
  
Yet, that's sometimes not true,  
he lets his Death Eaters get screwed.  
  
He, the Dark Lord, never shows up atsome of his attacks,  
no, he sits and relaxes.  
  
Lord Voldemort runs a regime,  
but he likes to dream. 


	10. Lord Voldemort, The Chuckler

Chapter Ten  
  
Lord Voldemort, The Chuckler  
  
Lord Voldemort,  
maybe he has warts.  
  
Yet, he likes to hide it all,  
and have a ball.  
  
Lord Voldemort tortures the muggles,  
then, he has a chuckle.  
  
He would give a baseball bat,  
to kill that Potter brat.  
  
Lord Voldemort likes to torture,  
but he doesn't like to do it in an orchard.  
  
No, he'd rather do it with no other eyes,  
then he can lie.  
  
Lord Voldemort, the dumbass,  
wanted to pass.  
  
However, Dumbledore wouldn't let him,  
and Potter was after his skin. 


	11. Insulting Lord Voldemort

Chapter 11  
  
Insulting Lord Voldemort  
  
Lord Voldemort, you were beaten by a little boy,  
  
when you tryed to use him for your toy.  
  
The traitor would say,  
  
the coward is not at bay.  
  
You tried to defeat many girls and boys,  
  
but they merely think of you as a decoy.  
  
Could it not be,  
  
you cannot even pee.  
  
You're just scary,  
  
but way to hairy.  
  
Just take off that mask,  
  
you old shit ass.  
  
The Aurors thought,  
  
you had done fought,  
  
and lost.  
  
Lord Voldemort uses his wand,  
  
yet he cannot even defeat a swan.  
  
Lord Voldemort uses a curse,  
  
and takes some old hag's purse.  
  
You stay in the shadows and lurk,  
  
afraid to show that you are hurt,  
  
and the little amount you are worth.  
  
Lord Voldemort is not at bay,  
  
he's so damn gay.  
  
Your Death Eaters know,  
  
that you are a worthless hoe,  
  
who could not even suck Harry Potter's toe.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you reign,  
  
but you should be slain.  
  
The one who has the power to defeat you,  
  
is worth much more than your left shoe.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you are dirty,  
  
and very unsturdy.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you are ready,  
  
and very unsteady.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you erase,  
  
and you like to give chase.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you haven't got the balls,  
  
you just like to stall.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you like to kill,  
  
but you are just to ill.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you think of blood,  
  
and you like to thud the Mudbloods.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you piece of shit,  
  
you cannot get any hits.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you old dog,  
  
you are as worthless as a log.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you where the 40's trend,  
  
but you can't even spend.  
  
Your body creeks and aches,  
  
you should have stakes,  
  
driven into your face.  
  
Lord Voldemort, go to hell,  
  
so you cannot tell.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you piece of trash,  
  
you should be burned to ash.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you murderer,  
  
you could not settle to be a burglar.  
  
Dementors like to kiss,  
  
but they cannot even piss.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you tird,  
  
your Death Eaters are birds.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you want to be immortal,  
  
but you keep walking through the portal.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you hide in disguise,  
  
you have the Death Eaters as your spies.  
  
You are such a baby,  
  
you cannot get a lady.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you cannot have sex,  
  
because your nuts were cut off when you hexed.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you left Harry with that mark,  
  
because you're like a shark.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you like to dream,  
  
you're colder than iced cream.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you scream like a little girl,  
  
kind of makes you want to hurl.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you have the Spanish,  
  
they damn well wished you would vanish.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you are made of putty,  
  
you are very bloody.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you are as dumb as a brick,  
  
because you have no stick.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you are an insult to mankind,  
  
because you've lost your bloody mind.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you're sick,  
  
you can't even suck a dick.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you are so gay,  
  
the ladies let you have your own way.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you're such a asshole,  
  
you can't even hold your own.  
  
A/n: Part of this material was contributed by SilentVamp.  
  
If I don't get at least five reviews for my story, I will not update.  
  
I changed some of the material in this story.  
  
To see the R-Rated version of this chapter, E-mail me. 


	12. Lord Voldemort, The Bore

Chapter 12  
  
Lord Voldemort, The Bore  
  
Lord Voldemort, you are such a whore,  
  
and, you're a very stupid bore.  
  
You give people the shakes,  
  
while you stumble in their wake.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you son of a bitch,  
  
why don't you have one of your lackies cut your head off and throw it in a ditch.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you sneakie schemer,  
  
you can sometimes get on a steamer.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you backstabbing bastard,  
  
you shouldn't really be a hazard.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you're not even human,  
  
you're sure fuming.  
  
Lord Voldemort, if I had a ham,  
  
for every time you've gotten yourself in a jam,  
  
I'd have a slam.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you talk the talk,  
  
but, do you walk the walk?  
  
Lord Voldemort, could I not say,  
  
that you are already at bay. 


	13. Insulting Lord Voldemort Part II

Insulting Lord Voldemort Part II  
  
Lord Voldemort, you're such a prick,  
  
you should crush your snake head with a brick.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you're stupid,  
  
and your Death Eaters are useless.  
  
Lord Voldemort, if I were you,  
  
I'd go and register with a zoo.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you'd make a nice exhibit in the Reptile house,  
  
they could put you in a blouse.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you snake,  
  
at the first sign of danger, you shiver and shake.  
  
Lord Voldemort, get out,  
  
and never come back to shout.  
  
Lord Voldemort, you want the world to be nothing but pureblood,  
  
so, you like to shed blood. 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 

Lord Voldemort, the Thoroughly Insulted

Lord Voldemort, you bastard,

you are worthy of a hacker.

You wouldn't step into battle,

No, you just send your cattle.

Lord Voldemort, couldn't you see this,

The difference between you and a piece of shit.

Lord Voldemort, you are the biggest idiot of all time,

why don't you wake up and here the death chimes.

Lord Voldemort, you wanted to kick some major ass,

but your ass got kicked by the stronger lad.

Lord Voldemort, you want to cheat death,

but Potter will deprive you of your last breath.

But, you never guessed,

that Potter would pass the test.

A/N: It's simple, ten reviews, or I do not update.


End file.
